Frankie Lassut

• Dec-2024
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• Apr-2021
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Strange noises were heard last night at the graves of Mary Shelley and Bram Stoker. The sounds were a sort of banging and thumping said witnesses who were holding Black Magic ceremonies nearby; very popular these days with black magic ceremony kit...

• Dec-2020
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HelloN: I'm Frankie's narrator, I pop up sometimes.Anyway, this story of a court case in answer to the attempt to hurt the town of Millom by the press. They said   ...N: and Frankie is so glad that they did. It was like manna in the wildern...

• Nov-2019
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This is a little collection of stories that couldn’t happen. They couldn’t happen because they are silly.I sit here for hours writing the things the information comes out of my head; sometimes I hear it spoken by that famous psychiatrist&...

• Oct-2019
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Hanging off The Edge of the Furthest SideA Party on the Furthest SideTo other people Frankie looks normal, very sweet in fact. Not a bit surprising because he is very sweet indeed; so sweet he comes with a dental warning. The word ‘normal’...

• Sep-2019
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This book is written in a style called Bizzaro. Bizzaro is fairly new and people who are Bizzaro writers have fertile imaginations. Their inner-beings if you believe in such far-out things are a little nutty.Bizzaro writers like myself carry red nose...

• Jul-2019
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This story like all the others isn’t drug induced like some people seem to think, it’s natural ‘Bizarro’ talent. It can be a burden though, because when people find out that I’m naturally talented they insist on buying y...

• Jul-2019
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Your quality of life depends on how you feel about things. Oh yes it does.I get fed up of people asking: “how do you know?” But anyway, the answer to that one is because I do.That means, if you feel good about most things, you’re la...

• Oct-2018
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• Sep-2018
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I don’t like giving my stories away, except with the sort-of-promise that I reckon you might enjoy this one. What I will tell you is: the story is about a plumber who is very good at his job. When he finishes though, he’s a couch potato. ...

• Sep-2018
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Bus driving. A bit of glam job transporting people into the city and back home again. Driving onto some of the housing estates at night; scary. Having eggs or bricks thrown at you, when you’re trying to provide a service for people. Hating the ...

• Aug-2018
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This is the story of a gay couple. One night someone asks one of them, in a threatening way "Oi bitch! Are you gay?"He replies "No, but my boyfriend is".They're quite ordinary. One night there's a clairvoyant on at the Town Hall (to...

• Jul-2018
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We hope you enjoy these little pieces as much as Frankie enjoyed writing them. Well, ok … he was locked in the cellar at he time. It's a good job he likes being locked down there. Down there with Cedric, who seems to like him. Cedric i...

• Jul-2018
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• Oct-2017
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• Jan-2016
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• Jan-2016
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It's in two parts. Firstly an academic waffles on about the world of retail in the usual academic way and then I'll tell you what the academic can't. As a little comfort offering I can tell you that it will happen slowly so you probably won't notice ...

• Sep-2015
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• Sep-2015
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• Sep-2015
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QF, or Quick Flash stories are a 'more words' upgrade on Flash Fiction where people tell stories in something like three words or less. QFs we first thought might be nice little things to read on the way to work 'to completion' if the person's han...

• Aug-2015
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This is what we call a QF book i.e. a Quick Flash, which means it isn't 60,000 words. It's something a commuter for instance may read on the way to work and finish before they get to work. Hopefully, because we think there's humour in it, the person ...

• Aug-2015
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Cedric Fallows is all alone and on a downward spiral because his wife has died. His mate says 'Cedric, you need a hobby.' So Cedric gets a hobby as a domestic livestock therapist in an abattoir holding pen. But, what do you say to a stressed pig a...

• Jul-2015
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When a place depends on a person or an event to tempt the tourists to depart with the sheckles, it is handy to have a famous person or an event to tempt the tourists to part with the sheckles so the locals can survive Winter, have cars, holidays etc....

• Jul-2015
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I have heard that when Hollywood makes a film about an event that happened somewhere, the only thing that is ‘actual’ is the fact that they used a camera to shoot it with and the rest is all made up for entertainment purposes. So I though...

• Jul-2015
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I love Abraham Hicks, they're fantastic. On one DVD someone says. 'it's a pity you can't bottle allowing'. Jerry smiled and wrote it down. I, like him, thought that a great idea, so I ran to my lab and tried to figure out a way of isolating and...

• Jul-2015
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The Plastic Christmas Card is a quirky little ‘wodzeon’ Quick Flash story about creating Christmas happiness.But, what is happiness? This following ‘history’ took hours and hours of research in huge libraries and on the net. W...

• Jul-2015
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• Jun-2015
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• Jun-2015
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Two Quick Flash stories about croaks which have nothing to do with frogs, but a few snook in from the Boggy Swamps of imagination land. The stories are in MY Friction style. That means factual, but with a decent helping of fiction. Both storie...

• Jun-2015
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There are public houses in Cumbria which are meeting places for farmers and it is in these places where I heard tell of the Lake District legends; I knew the farmers. It was in that setting that after last orders one night Roger told me the story...

• May-2015
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This Quick Flash story will prove beyond any doubt that posh people from Ancient Egypt have probably enjoyed holidays in the English Lakes, recommended the experience when getting back home and the rest of them with the cash to splash have followe...

• May-2015
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Here's another Quick Flash offering from our growing collection. The first A feature is about the worth of an eyebrow hair. Sounds stupid? Well, isn't that good?The second A feature is about a situation that has been experienced by an awful l...

• May-2015
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Well 'whoopy doo!' Here's another little Quick Flash story. Again it's in A and B mind movie form. The B part which is first (logic), tells another little part of a writer's life i.e. usually about handling the huge amounts of money which comes to...

• May-2015
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This little Quick Flash extravaganza is actually 'two' Q F extravagan'zaz'. Yes, they have 'zaz'! Can you believe that?Two instead of one. Let that great news sink in, try not to faint. Through your tears of joy, look out of the window. The...

• Apr-2015
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This is a little Quick Flash story about a trip up the North West coast of Cumbria. Readers who live a decent distance away, such as America, will know it as the Lake District. Apart from getting my late mother's house ready for the market we (Evo...

• Apr-2015
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There is though a rather sinister world out in the blue yonder going under the heading of 'flash' … it is bad to the core. There are people out there locked in darkened rooms with padded walls, tables and chairs, who write flash stories of m...

• Apr-2015
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This is a little bit of fun inspired by a re. ah! But hang on. That would be telling and it's in the story. This is another wild and splendiferous 'quick as a flash story' like the Green Balloon one, but not short enough to be in the Haiku stab...

• Mar-2015
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I don't like 'write ups' very much. I therefore suggest that you would read the book and be surprised. Evo said 'but people may not hang around if you don't tell them anything about the contents.' . I reply, well, there are many good writer...

• Feb-2015
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f some friends show you a holiday photograph of them, you probably think 'oh yawn, a holiday photograph of them standing in front of a bush' ... unless you're a woman and the friend is a neighbour and he's yummy. Normal holiday photographs tend to ha...

• Jan-2015
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I wrote this writ up and then Evo said it sounds better if you reverse the sentances .. so there you go.Ahem! Shakespeare friendly Shakespeare-ish stuff for non fans of Shakespeare. Also unsuitable for Shakespeare purists who think it's cool to feel ...

• Jan-2015
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Two little love stories. Both are based on the emotional scale. Both are written about as un-Mills and Boon as is possible. The first is a fun adventure look at what might happen to those who have been broken hearted;dumped maybe? It could answer...

• Aug-2014
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HiAs Editor of Sinner's Monthly Magazine, I can say that this is a decent sin, a fine demonstration of the noble art of bLAUGHSphemy. The idea of making fun of the Bible to upset the Devil is a good idea and I think this is definitely in t...

• Aug-2014
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I don't like giving plots away, so. These three stories have some awful bits in them. Of course they do as they are meant to be horror stories, which I like to call mind disturbance. The first one about the zombies has some good parts too...

• Jul-2014
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The North West, off the main tourist trail of the Lake District, is a fairly quiet place, which is why some city people go there for weekends, to chill out. But, go to a country pub and if you can get talking to the locals, or a local who has stor...

• Jul-2014
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This short story, Marvo the magical plumber, inspired by Woody Allen, was written for an adult audience, (not that it contains anything sexual or violent), but it may also make a good children's story. The problem could be and, it's worse than tho...

• Jul-2014
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Mary Shelly and Bram Stoker, two great icons who had the human ability 'afforded' to some. the ability to love what they did. Writing though, to both of them was a beloved hobby. Mary Shelley was a maker of things such as tissue boxes, from seashells...

• Jul-2014
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The Black Grouse is an English hero in Scotland, helping out where the Scottish can't, mainly due to their love of barley based refreshments. With his team, not only does the Grouse perform well at the Highland games, but also in his mission. The...

• Jul-2014
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Against all the odds, Frankie manages to write books and remain sane (ish) while working with two women, which is probably why they call themselves Wonky Books. The reason why they do this is fairly simple. Firstly, Frankie can't help writing books, ...

• Jun-2014
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This is a little handbook on life, which isn't packed with mumbo jumbo stuff. It won't make you thin or rich or stop you a smoking, which is good because hospitals need patients, they're their life's blood (especially in haematology). The little w...

• May-2014
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One man was brave enough to take a look at his last forty years of life, decided that it was riddled with sin. and decided to do something about it. Unable to join the church because of past 'sin' thoughts (over 500!), he nevertheless chose to...

• May-2014
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• Feb-2014
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• Jan-2014
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• Jan-2014
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• Jan-2014
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• Dec-2013
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• Dec-2013
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Part1. It’s the author’s birthday! Time for blank chequebook celebration which include, hog roast, champagne and fireworks ... ‘not’.Someone feels sorry for him and leaves a gift on his step, which will be nice to open at his ...

• Dec-2013
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Each year, the World’s Biggest Liar competition is held at the Bridge Inn at Santon Bridge, way up there in the wilds of the Cumbrian North West of England. Whoever tells the most convincing lie gets the trophy.Frankie couldn’t make it in...

• Nov-2013
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• Nov-2013
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• Nov-2013
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I happen to enjoy finding broken and abandoned toys and things on the floor, picking them up, and giving them some time in my hospital before finding them somthing to do ... something which they enjoy.It's a nice hospital. Very friendly, full of smil...

• Nov-2013
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This small book is designed to be read by mums. Hopefully if they like the short imaginative stories, they can then adapt the stories and tell them, in their own words to their child/children using the pictures.Goes hand in hand with Super Nature Ima...

• Nov-2013
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Five short stories written to entertain the writer while waiting for the locksmith to come and release him from the toilet after the door jammed. It's a good job he always carries a notebook and pen. When he had filled the notebook with Marvo (Inspir...

• Oct-2013
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• Aug-2013
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• Jul-2013
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Here you go reader, two cupped handfuls of amusement. We hope you enjoy the stories. What else can we say? Enjoy, enjoy, be amused, smile ... get more amused, smile a bit more. Erm, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy ... be amused, be very amused, have a laugh. Erm...

• Jun-2013
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This is a respectful tribute to the recently passed British horror author, the great, the well loved James Herbert. The four short stories have been written down by Frankie who channels the souls of who were great unknown British horror writers, Jame...

• Jun-2013
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If you have mice that are socially more refined than where you actually live, you may, if you don't like killing mice with traps (it isn't very nice, is it), take care of their culinary habits. We're guessing 8-10 years with the reader age range. May...

• May-2013
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• Feb-2013
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eremy Kyle (famous British broadcasting personality) becomes King of the Chavs (the underprivileged) through his morning TV show, and sets about matching chav babies with fathers (God even stresses over the thought of that one), and achieving 100% pr...

• Jan-2013
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• Jan-2013
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Frankie has quite a good sense of humour, which on occasion, can raise a smile on people's faces. Since writing a book about his old home town, Millom's strange history, he decided to extend the view to include the rest of Cumbria. Although...

• Dec-2012
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• Nov-2012
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This began as a children’s story, but then Frankie put it aside for a couple of years because there was no ending coming. Recently Evo Nelliot said to him, “do a children’s story ... finish that fish one.”The ending then came,...

• Nov-2012
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• Nov-2012
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• Aug-2012
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• Jul-2012
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• Jul-2012
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• Jun-2012
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• Apr-2012
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I hope you read the long description.I can't help but think that the cover looks like a Moomin Winter book, but, I'm so bad at drawing and coloring, that the cover is supposed to be green as far as the land is concerned. It's white because...

• Apr-2012
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• Mar-2012
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• Mar-2012
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• Mar-2012
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It’s 2012!It’s time for the Olympics!Ah but! On an earth ‘twin’ planet, in a parallel Universe, they have a little extra. Someone came up with the bright idea of having Fringe Olympics i.e. various sports here and there which ...

• Mar-2012
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• Feb-2012
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• Jan-2012
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The NHS in Britain is in crisis, so this should be an interesting read for those who like hospital dramas. I'm an outsider, but the people from the NHS who have read it have said. "Too close for comfort." Some from other walks of life...

• Jan-2012
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• Jan-2012
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Love?What's love? Something that makes you feel very good.Most people desire love for that reason, but is that reason enough for 'real' love?Heart Beet? A woman finds the 'perfect love', or does she?Polystyrene. Is a mother's love for her family mayb...

• Jan-2012
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Blimey. And you thought they robbed the rich and gave it to the poor?Mind you, they didn’t actually get on very well with the sherriff, but still, they had a really good time when they pooled their various talents.Marian? She had a ‘reall...

• Jan-2012
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A selection of ditties to make you feel normal!This is a hilarious true account. Sometimes single eyebrow hairs can go mad.The cruel sub-conscious? This is a true story as well. It turns out the sat nav was set for 1676, and was fitted to horse and c...

• Jan-2012
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This is the revised and updated version of A Flower in the Attic.It consists of two horror stories, and two sort of fantasy/mystery stories, both inspired by small events. I hope you enjoy them.Where there's a will deals with a troublesome mother. Wa...

• Dec-2011
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Can two rag dolls of rock gods Alice Pooper and Iggy Popsicle help save the world?Can the two of them persuade governments to stop the rot? We shall see.Rock On Man!Just think dear potential reader. If you have but the faith of a mustard seed, surely...

• Dec-2011
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A bit of a laugh to cheer you up, but, if you're already cheered up, it's a bit of a laugh anyway.A pot pourri of stories, quips and a few mad thoughts that were flying around the universe doing nothing much in particular ... until now.Warnin...

• Dec-2011
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• Dec-2011
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Three short ‘Wonky stories all about change, and/or improvement, bordering on the mad; but isn’t mad, wonderful?You, indeed everyone, have the ability to learn a new skill, and thus improve your life, and leave the drudgery of that &lsquo...

• Dec-2011
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Satan's not a bad guy, it's what he feeds on that's the problem for humans.Humans though are so entrenched with beliefs that have been fed to them (and boy do they believe 'anything'), that Satan appears to be the ultimate bad guy. What though if Sat...

• Nov-2011
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• Nov-2011
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Most people work hard, which in most cases is an activity they don't 'choose', to get money to do an activity they do choose, such as a holiday, or a Johnny Robinson Concert (Johnny Robinson Rocks!). Work is seen as a necessity, which most people do ...

• Nov-2011
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Fifteen minutes a day training the mind to work at optimum level? I fancy a bit of that. I thought, 'who are the Masters' at this? The Tibetan monks of course. I thought, I'll go there and do the job properly. Peace for twelve whole months! Just me, ...

• Nov-2011
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I finish work for a few days, and get scared because I then din't have anyone to think for me. I go up North, but break down on the motorway. I am going to pay for a tow or a repair, but my credit card overhears and doesn't like what it hears,Why am ...

• Oct-2011
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lot of people think that people in mental health asylums are there because they have gone mad for some reason, and are therefore locked up to keep them out of so called 'normal society'. That isn't quite right; they are there because normal society h...

• Sep-2011
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• Sep-2011
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A short story in a style called 'Adulchi' for parents to read with thier young children or for older children to read by themselves.The story covers the Bonfire Night party that happens on November the 5th each year in Englandat an old country manor....

• Sep-2011
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Here we are!The master of horror from the famous, 'Special', Ghost Town of England brings you some truly awful thought: Bloodshed? Human stupidity? Revenge? You gottit! All from the receptive to the 'darkest darkness mind' of the unknown, Stephen Cli...

• Sep-2011
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• Aug-2011
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INN Ventions are inventions that have been devised in the surroundings of a pub somewhere. There are some really good ones in this collection, one or two that make the marketplace, and even the easy formula inventors use. 'and' a guaranteed way...

• Jul-2011
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The story of the Ghost Town's (Coventry) brilliant specialised seafood restaurant, which was made to sparkle by Nim Chana, an alien. The restaurant was a legend in its own lifetime.Crabs rule ok! ...

• Jul-2011
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• Jul-2011
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It was Napoleon Bonaparte who said, "history is written by the winners" . but shall we believe that? I (me, me, me) believe that history is written by anyone who fancies their chances at making a bob or two by writing a book for gullible history...

• Jun-2011
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• Jun-2011
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• Jun-2011
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• Jun-2011
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• May-2011
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• May-2011
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A tried and tested method which enables stressed holiday makers to become, and remain happy, while on holiday in the English Lake District. This is despite having to get over the dislike of work, nd the thought of having to go back, which can take up...

• May-2011
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The author (me), takes a trip through Yorkshire, passing through Harrogate. He(I)stops, goes to a pub to refresh, meets a local, who then begins to tell him stories about deepest rural Yorkshire. You won't believe them; I don't, and I wrote it.Wild a...

• Apr-2011
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• Apr-2011
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A story for children to read with thier parents. It is about a young giraffe who becomes parted from his mother in some woods when looking for juicy berries. He comes across several other animals who befriend him....

• Apr-2011
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A couple of short love stories; one about two souls who thought they were gong to be seperated forever the other concerning working together in a marriage. Ideal for commuting trips and guranteed to make you smile....

• Apr-2011
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Jean and Colin win a prize of a romantic dinner for two as Colin in nominated Englands most romantic man.Colin prepares for a most magnificent gesture of his love for Jean...Colin uses his skills to make his own gesture of love in a vehicle to send J...

My mates swore, some worse than others. There was one I knew who swore every other word. As I grew older, say sixteen or seventeen and the getting into the pub began, I enjoyed a drink, but I didn't enjoy it when certain of my mates swore and used...

I really do hope that these writings are bizarre enough for you, because they're 'normal' to me. They're normal entertainment (which is why I have few friends and can only see them when it's visiting times' and then they're 'normally' drugge...

I didn’t like where I was living because it was home to some crazy people and me (and I’m dead sensible; really). So it was time to leaf through the paper and see if there was anything going anywhere; somewhere without the craziness, the ...

Have a torch handy, because if The Demon scares you like it might; you may go and hide under your bed. And then, if when you’re under your bed and it’s maybe dark … well, you’ll have a torch to read the rest of the book. We ge...

Two horror stories about mummies, hence the title. Meant as a bit of fun. The first is about a bloke who buys a great metal detector; you’ll never guess what it’s made from. Well, this bloke goes into this farmer’s field and starts ...

John Smith is a brilliant writer, there is no doubt about it. All the guy wants to be is a teacher, but he doesn’t want to waste his precious time with would-be writers/storytellers, i.e. people from writing clubs who only go to clubs because t...

I once dated an extremely good psychic. In her house she would sometimes say 'there's someone standing right behind you'. meaning a spirit. That was amusing, but I kept my wallet in my jacket just in case. She also read tea leaves, which she showed m...

Writing a book like this is ALL about having fun, and having even more fun caricaturing/hyperbolising what the storyteller finds 'too quiet/beige. It isn't about how many copies can be sold, although that can be a nice positive experience if the p...

Yes! They're almost true!I walked off the street into a church tea room. And I'm not religious but because I'm cognoscenti; I know. So, I sat down …Then I thought, as a writer does … there must be an informative book in all of...

I don't like write ups because they can give the story away and I don't want to do that.The Tomb is about a tomb. Powder puff is based on talcum powder.Bitch Killer is about a rat who's been hurt but finds gainful employment through it.The Grandfathe...

Any troubles in your life concerning your body, go see your doctor. I was knackered because I couldn't sleep. So I went to the docs to get some sleeping pills. He seemed hesitant to give me them. mind you, he didn't mind giving me other pills t...

Come to the trial of Mr Splish Splosh; you won’t regret it! In this compendium of stories, we also meet Moomintroll. If you hadn’t met Moomintroll and his family when you were young, you missed out and didn’t have a proper childhood...

This is the second part of the care home. It contains vulgar scenes of abuse, especially concerning those who have that real turn off dementia. It features the Undertaker’s Ball an annual do attended by Undertakers trying to sell their wares i....