You Auto-Complete Me — Katie MacAlister

Emily is back in this complete rewrite of The Year My Life Went Down the Loo. Told in text messages, You Auto-Complete Me updates the tale of now-adult Emily, her year spent in England, and all her friends.

EMSTER What, you're not here?
DRU I'm here. What's up, buttercup?
EMSTER I have things to tell you!
DRU So tell. I was sext...er...texting the BF.
EMSTER !!!
DRU J/K. Dish, sister.
EMSTER Reasons why my life has gone to hell in a handbasket:
In debt up to my armpits due to having to work off paying for ex-boss's car.
DRU Shouldn't have hit that cop car, huh?
EMSTER Forced to give up adorable apartment to live back with the parents while I pay off ex-boss' car.
DRU Also shouldn't have lipped off to the judge who garnished your wages.
EMSTER Forced to go with very same parents to England for a year.
DRU Dude.
EMSTER OK, that's not really bad, but I'm on a roll. Humor me.
EMSTER Biggest reason life is messed up: Friends with Benefits Fang isn't around to indulge in benefitting.
DRU You got me there. But cheer up, little Emily - life can't get any worse can it?