Rumors of My Death — Gina Ranalli

Elizabeth Michelle Aster is having a bad day. She set fire to her kitchen. She accidentally killed her canary. She lost her job. She lost her girlfriend. No wonder people call her Diz-Aster. It couldn't get any worse. Could it? It can. She hires a guy to murder her, but ‘Bullwinkle' bungles the job, yet he just keeps trying in one botch-up after another. The ghost of her dead canary is haunting her, and talking to her with a Spanish accent. The mysterious new woman in her life is a bit off herself, and definitely not what she seems. It can't get any worse than that. At least she still has her collection of Converse Chuck Taylors. Right?