Round Trip — David Katz

TransGalactic Travel is considering pulling the plug on planet Earth as a vacation destination for its clients. It's just too much trouble.
But two of its travel agents make a last ditch visit to the planet to observe and report on the difficulties their travelers are having while inhabiting Earthly bodies.
A hippie goddess, a billionaire hedge fund owner, and their lovers never realize that the fate of the planet depends on the memos these agents send about them to the home office.
What Readers Are Saying:
"Like Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy only with a little more sex and a lot more contemporary storyline "
"One of the best sci fi novels I've read in a long time "
"Round Trip is an amazing science fiction adventure with a lot of fun. Definitely makes you think "
Excerpt:
"One of our more popular destinations in recent times has been the small planet Terra. In the seventh arm of the Gobol there is a typical spiral galaxy. Tucked away in one of its off-center whorls lies this gem of a spheroid, the third from its yellow star. We highly recommend it for lovers of beauty and diversity of life forms.
Out of a long-ago scatter seeding, one took root and evolved into tens of millions of species, all sharing the same cellular foundation. They fall into two principal types, stationary forms which directly consume solar radiation (the so-called plants) and mobile forms (animals) that ingest either the plants or each other. Within these two categories are life-forms of fantastic beauty and variety. The plants are frequently decorated with colorful tufts of petals. These occur in an unimaginable variety of forms, colors, and, most wonderfully, scents of intoxicating delightfulness.
Each and every one of the animals, ranging from the tiny to the sizeable, is constructed with jewel-like precision in each of its parts. Some fly through the atmosphere in perfect grace, on iridescent wings of every color of the spectrum. Others are specialized to swim, solitary or in groups numbering in the thousands, through the transparent liquid which covers about two thirds of the world's surface. This liquid, consisting solely of hydrogen and oxygen in the ratio of two to one, is the essential nutrient of each of the planet's life forms. It is distributed over the world's surface by an elegant mechanism of evaporation, condensation, and precipitation. This results in myriad delightful features of flowing liquid, here collecting in pools and there cascading over rocks.
This essential liquid is itself highly entertaining, and capable of giving rise to such diverting phenomena as "rainbows" (see image) and "snow." Do not fail to appreciate the perfection and marvelous variety of the tiny crystalline flakes of which this snow is composed.
Your vehicle for your brief visit to this world, through our special arrangement with the local galactic council, will be the body of one of the species of animals Yes, you will leap with joy across the surface of the planet, mingling with animals of your own and other species. You will delight in the exploration of natural features of truly inspired beauty, such as "mountains," "canyons," and "forests." (see images.)
The species provided for our incarnation is, frankly, not one of the more agile or elegant in its physical form, but has been chosen for its unrivaled sensory abilities. Five separate input channels allow you to experience with tremendous immediacy and clarity each of the countless marvels of this planet. By way of example, "hearing" allows you to perceive the fantastic array of subtle vibrations of the atmosphere by which both your host species and others actually communicate with one another. Sometimes these vibrations are used to convey essential information, and at other times, they are generated and appreciated by this species purely for delightful amusement."