PARANOIA T1 Stay Alert — Allen Varney

EVERYONE SHOULD BE HAPPY. IMMEDIATELY.In the underground city of Alpha Complex, The Computer wants every citizen to have fun. If you're not having fun, The Computer will turn you into reactor shielding.ATTENTION, TROUBLESHOOTERS. PLEASE RETURN THIS STOLEN HELPBOT TO ITS OWNER. THIS MISSION INVOLVES *NO* DEADLY WARFARE BETWEEN RIVAL CRIMINAL GANGS AND WILL BE LOTS OF FUN.The Computer's elite service agents, the Troubleshooters, have fun delivering the helpbot to a sequence of murderous gangsters. It's not annoying or repetitious at all, no siree. (You look like you’re about to shoot your teammate! Would you like help?)IF YOU MEET DIFFICULTIES, SEEK HELP FROM YOUR FELLOW TROUBLESHOOTERS.Team Leader Fletcher-R is about to have lots of fun learning about his teammates. He'll learn they're criminals themselves. Or they belong to traitorous secret societies. Or they’re betraying illegal mutant powers, usually while betraying illegal mutant teammates. Fun, fun, fun.BEWARE! TRAITORS ARE EVERYWHERE!High on an experimental alertness drug called Leery, Fletcher must complete his mission before the treacherous Troubleshooters discover his own mutation -- or his ever-changing criminal affiliations -- or his membership in the First Church of Christ Computer-Programmer -- in short, before Fletcher’s teammates find out HE’S a traitor. Fletcher is about to have more fun than anyone can stand.STAY ALERT! TRUST NO ONE! KEEP YOUR LASER HANDY!Stay Alert - Book 1 of The Troubleshooter Rules trilogy by Allen Varney(63,000 words - about 250 pages)PARANOIALight-hearted stories of backstabbing, treachery, and Emergency Bathroom Break Requisition forms. Based on the bestselling roleplaying game of fear and ignorance in a darkly satirical future, official PARANOIA novels are now available as ebooks from Ultraviolet Books -- and they’re even for your security clearance.If you like reading about repressed teenagers groping sparkly vampires, this book will touch you in the bad place. But if you like Philip K. Dick and think Survivor needs a higher body count, your friend The Computer requires you to enjoy PARANOIA.PARANOIA NOVELS ARE FUN. OTHER NOVELS ARE NOT FUN. READ PARANOIA.