Once Upon a Midlife Crisis — Shawn MacDonald

John Smith had had it with his humdrum life. His marriage was stale, his job sucked, and he was still wearing the same eyeglasses that he had worn during the Regan administration. He craved excitement, so drastic changes were in order. To begin what he'd come to think of as “the new and exciting life of John Smith”, he got a divorce, quit his job … and got shot. It turned out that getting shot wasn't so much exciting as it was scary and painful, so John decided to tone down his quest for excitement. He would simply move up north to enjoy a peaceful change of pace. It wasn't to be. Between finding dead bodies beneath the deck of his new home, refereeing the senior-citizen-love-triangle of the century, and dealing with the ozone-destroying flatulence of his cat, he had more excitement than a dull guy could handle. Given the murder and mayhem surrounding him, he was beginning to suspect that the biggest excitement of his life going to be his own death.