Notes From an Utterly Lame Vampire — Tim Collins

Nigel Mullet isn't your typical teenager...

HE'S A VAMPIRE!

But unfortunately, when Nigel transformed, he didn't become all broody and interesting, and as for super strength and speed ... well, forget it! Nigel got acne, a voice that squeaks, a tendency to break out in a rash (not sparkles!) when exposed to the sun, and still had absolutely no idea how to talk to girls. Nigel just may be the first and only lame vampire on record.

When a beautiful new girl comes to school, Nigel is determined to impress her. Of course, that would mean actually speaking to her .. . and he will . . . eventually. But until he can win the girl and the respect of his family, Nigel will just be utterly lame.