No Boobs, No Kardashians — Richard Quarry

In an attempt to grab a few tabloid headlines away from Jen and Britney, starlet Sindee Sands once resorted to the baby shtick. Now she wants to wed the twelve-year-old off to similarly aged gangsta rapper Bull Fido in a TV gala the sponsor “‘Tween Bride” is calling a celebration of the new marriage. Hey, if it moves product, how wrong can it be? Only the little disaster demands a Porsche and a boob job first. And that, as it turns out, is just for starters.