It Feels Like Falling — Anna Naax

"It feels like falling every time I look at her. The feeling isn't the same as tripping over your own two feet; it's more of an internal feeling of solitude. I exist. I am here but I am not focused on the moment. I'm trapped in the past; right where I want to be, with her. As soon as I look at her, everything stops. I can't breathe, I can't think, I can't speak. I can only look at her and feel the happiness that surrounds me. Time has no meaning to me when she is around. I never thought I could be so lucky to have someone that has complimented every aspect in my life. Some may say that the feeling of falling or butterflies is a sign of love, but I can't compare it to either of those. It's much more than that. As she lies in her bed, she reaches over and grabs a box. The struggle for her to do that is unbearable to watch. She is frail. It feels like falling now, but with a different meaning. I look at her now and think, there's nothing I can do to fix this, there's nothing I can do to fix her. There's nothing anyone can do for her anymore. This type of falling is the kind where you aren't in control; the kind where nothing will go your way. This feeling stays constant day after day after day. As I look over the edge of the past, I sense myself loosing balance. I could grab onto something to stop the pull but I let it take me under. Falling is easy; the effort it takes to get back up again is the real challenge."