In Search of Self — Lloyd Green

Even nice people must have a dark side
December 1973, Twenty Years Old,
The Wall-Part Six (Wrath)
I was going to say that "it wasn't funny" but that could start a conversation. I simply said, "I can' do this" and gave her no eye contact. Regan ran from the room crying again. I realized that Regan had never seen me this focused and direct before. It probably scared her that she had broken something and it couldn't be fixed.
Tamara stood there watching this scene, now even more confused. She repeated to me as she squinted and moved her head forward, "What happened?"
"You'll have to ask your sister. I have to leave." I could feel Tamara's eyes on my back as I walked to the door. I could hear Regan crying loudly as I closed the door behind me. I knew I would never be seeing that apartment again.
I turned to my left and pushed the exit door open so I could go down the stairs. I certainly was not going to wait for the elevator. As I let go of the door it squealed loudly behind me. For a brief moment, I saw my shadow and it was big, like some kind of huge bear. My anger had made me feel powerful in a strange kind of way. As I walked towards the stairs, I passed by the heart on the wall that someone had unsuccessfully attempted to wipe off. There was a satisfaction that I felt that was much stronger than me putting my fist through a wall and seeing red blood on my knuckles. Not only had I broken off the relationship but had I made Regan feel as if it were her fault. I wanted to hurt her as badly as I could for the way she had treated me over the past couple of years. I felt justified because of the lack of "real sex," the anger and jealousy that I kept being put through. That part of my life was over.
This book follows the tribulations and learning experiences of a young man named Dyllon. He finds that having a loving family is a valuable foundation but can also be a source of confusion.
Dyllon is a genuinely nice person but he soon learns that the dark side of his personality is also needed to help make him the person he is to become. And at times, this dark side has a mind of its own.
The battle between good and evil is an essential part of us all. Some feel that by staying the "good" course, happiness and understanding will be found. This might mean sheltering yourself away from all people and things that might cause conflict or heartache. Unfortunately, the only way to true growth is through personal experiences. You cannot learn to be a "decent" person by your parents telling you that you should be. You must seek the deeper meaning of "Why" or you will simply do what others tell you to do. It is because of the hurt, pitfalls and the judgment calls that you make, that you learn to adapt and hopefully grow to deal with your surroundings in a progressive and healthy way.
Finally, most of the locations of this book are fact based from the perspective of when the events occurred. There are places and items which are indelibly attached to your memories such as a roller skate with a key or an old song which always reminds you of someone. For many, these stories will be an enjoyable stroll down memory lane.
You are invited to join Dyllon on his quest towards understanding life and love.
The author, Lloyd Green, has drawn from many of his own experiences in order to build Dyllon's world and the flavor of the decades flows throughout his stories. He has worked as a videographer and fancies himself a songwriter. Lloyd was born in 1953 and grew up in Manhattan, New York, in an area some might know as Harlem.