Boondoggle — Richard Brittain

Judas is a young schizophrenic man who seldom leaves his house, but he is befriended by an oddball called Tramplestone who offers a unique insight into his disorder. Rather than use pills to halt natural processes, Tramplestone reckons that Judas needs a mental apocalypse in order to break free from the boondoggle dominating his mind. A bizarre mixture of unconventional advice and Beatles lyrics will lead to Judas going on a crime spree. When there seems to be no way out of the violent spiral, Judas will find salvation from an unexpected source. * “You know, the average person constructs fences in their gardens, but you and I, we cannot, because we don't have the right tools.” “Are you speaking of the garden of the mind again?” Judas asked, watching Tramplestone as they walked below the sun. “Indeed. And when it rains, our gardens become wet and muddy, but theirs remain dry because of things like patios and fences. But if it rains very heavily, for weeks on end, then their artificial constructions would be of little use. In fact, they would trap the water and everything in that garden would drown. But you and I, because our gardens have no fences, we would drift away.” Tramplestone looked at Judas. “Do you see what I'm saying?” “No, not really.” “I am saying that when the flood comes, they will be trapped by their fences, but we will be free.” “That sounds rather apocalyptic,” Judas said. “Would you agree that a schizophrenic person is trapped inside a fake world?” Tramplestone asked. Judas paused. “Well, yes, I suppose so, in that we see and hear things which are not real. Surely then, we are the ones with false gardens?” “Consider this. What if everyone lives in a false world? Call it a boondoggle. Modern society demands that we create this boondoggle. But the difference with us is that we cannot cope with the boondoggle. And when it has taken over, only a great flood can save us.” “What are you saying? That you're going to build an ark, like Noah?” “No, because my apocalypse has already happened,” said Tramplestone. “You will build an ark and I will bring a flood.” * “The British Empire is alive and well,” said Tramplestone. “The British Empire means repression, repetition, routine, regiment. It means masking one's insanity, killing one's emotions. The British Empire means suits. It means global financial system. It means fences, lots of fences. The British Empire means sugar, gluten and dairy. It means overcooked food and overcooked people. The British Empire means fake knowledge. The British Empire means boondoggle.” “Who sustains the boondoggle?” “Nobody in particular, which means, everybody.” * “What if I ignore the voice of my conscience?” “Then you will slip down a well and it will be hard to climb out.” “And what if I keep going deeper?” “You could eventually come out on the other side, but by then, I suspect you would be in jail.” “What if I find the source of the stream? A cave of spring waters?” * Judas met Tramplestone outside. “The system is catching up with me.” “Then you need to take over the system,” Tramplestone said. “Is it time to restore the British Empire?” asked Judas. “No. It is time to destroy the British Empire. Come with me.” They went to the British Library, where Tramplestone handed Judas a bottle of whisky. “Water of life. If anyone tries to stop you, anoint them.” Judas appeared confused. “If they try to stop me from what?” “From destroying the boondoggle.” Tramplestone unzipped his bag and gave Judas a sledge hammer. Judas' eyes glinted. He looked around at the people quietly studying. There was an unwholesome artificial smell which seemed to emanate from the carpet. Judas turned to face a shelf of books. One title in particular caught his eye, 'Nineteenth Century Political Thought'. Then he looked down the row and realised that there were hundreds of books about the same thing. “Dismantle it,” Tramplestone urged. “Destroy the boondoggle.”