Coming to grips with a life-long addiction to brightly colored drinks with umbrellas is just one of the things Amazon.com best-selling author Barton Grover Howe addresses in his latest compilation of newspaper humor columns. Among the highlights: advice to Madison Avenue on how to reach men (“Remember: we’re the kind of people that buy Colt 40 Malt Liquor because it’s huge and we can use the bottles in a water fight when we run out of balloons.”); pondering about how Madison Avenue chooses to reach women (“There are a LOT of women’s hygiene products, most of them being disposable. Which begs the question: Why not label all of them that way? I can’t imagine anyone buys these things as a souvenir.”); and observations on all of humanity’s attempts to figure out what’s going on in his bedroom. (“Trying to get pregnant seems to be EVERYBODY’s business, as if, somehow, the entire future of the human race is riding on my wife and I repopulating the species. It’s like I’m in a terrible Bruce Willis movie set in 2057. Or Brigham Young’s house in 1857.”)
So, head to the beaches of the Pacific Northwest one more time as Barton uses his unique perspective on just about everything to comment on life, the universe and gender things — and get “Beach Slapped” all over again.