Lieutenant Columbus — Walter Knight

In this fifteenth installment of the whacky military science fiction series, a new Legion recruit claims Major Lopez (General Lopez in the future!) used a time machine to travel from planet New Colorado to bring Christopher Columbus into the United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion. Lopez of the present, however, doesn't have any knowledge of this, so everyone in the Legion assumes Lieutenant Columbus is a crackpot claiming to be the real Christopher Columbus, credited with discovering America on Old Earth.

Colonel Czerinski, with his usual lackadaisical aplomb, manages to mangle the plot to find gold in the legendary lost mine of old Bob Woodard while pissing off the spiders across the DMZ. Things get even crazier when old foe and hated Legion deserter, Tony ‘The Toe' Garcia, makes another appearance, claiming vampire commandos from the future are pursuing him. Everyone knows vampires don't exist â€" right?

Hargundu the humping camel, and an appearance by revered Smokey the Bear, round out the silliness in this perpetually preposterous military science fiction series.