Prince of Dorkness — Tim Collins

With his newfound vampire powers and his girlfriend, Chloe, Nigel mullet is finally enjoying the immortal life. But things begin to go wrong when a new guy, Jason, comes to school. Suddenly the girls don't think Nigel is so good-looking. On top of that, Jason's stronger and faster than Nigel. And he 's just stolen Nigel 's girlfriend. What's a totally lame Vampire to do? Write bad poetry, get regularly beaten up by his little sister now that he's too weak to retaliate, and spy on his ex-girlfriends new boyfriend . . . who just transformed into a werewolf!

Will the truth win Chloe back? Or will Nigel be left howling at the moon in frustration?