Scorn — Paul Hoffman

After an experiment at the Large Hadron Collider goes horribly wrong, depressed scientist Aaron Gall wakes up to discover his mind and body have undergone an astonishing transformation. Now bursting with the joys of life, he is inspired to undertake a radical new therapy: to talk to the priests who brutalised him and his school friends, point out the intellectual dishonesty and inhumanity of their religious beliefs - and then eat them.

Aaron enjoys the process so much (as well as taunting the police and MI5) he decides to extend his murderous conversations to include the Archbishop of Westminster, recently converted Catholic Tony Blair, the Queen of England - and, finally, the Pope himself.

But a Catholic Church that has given the world the Crusades, the Inquisition, and Papal Infallibility hasn't survived for two thousand years without a reason.

Aaron is in for the greatest shock in the history of mankind.