Feather Merchants — Max Shulman

The raucous and randy adventures of a stateside soldier during World War II

Sergeant Dan Miller wanted to be a flying ace, but the air force grounded him for poor vision. To make matters worse, when the myopic Miller travels home to Minneapolis on furlough, he finds the local “feather merchants” -- aka civilians -- breaking all the wartime rules. They're guzzling black-market gas, hoarding rationed food, and listening to suspiciously expensive radios. But the most troubling news of all arrives when Sergeant Dan's main squeeze, the voluptuous Estherlee McCracken, declares that she wants nothing to do with a pencil-pushing GI.
 
The night after he gets dumped, Sergeant Dan seeks solace in watered-down whiskeys and a chorus line of ladies dancing in red, white, and blue G-strings. A friend introduces the sad-sack noncom as Robert Jordan, dynamiter of bridges, and before Sergeant Dan can stop that bell from tolling, he's the most celebrated man in town. What follows is a hysterical comedy of errors as our hero tries to outrun his patriotic admirers, win back Estherlee's love, and avoid a court martial.