The Mountjoy Deception — David Jarvis

England's second best recycled condom salesman, Derek Mountjoy, is unwittingly caught up in a global conspiracy controlled by the mysterious SPHINCTER. Can he piece together the sinister goings on at Erasable Rubbers, get together with the gorgeous Melissa, discover why he gets an erection when he sees a squirrel and ultimately save the world? A final dramatic confrontation on the train from Paris brings his world into focus. Is he who he thinks he is?