What Would Cthulhu Do? - a Dear Cthulhu collection — Patrick Thomas

Cthulhu will one day rise upto claim the Earth and its inhabitants as his own.The Great Old One has lookedupon Humankind and found it lacking.Cthulhu has deemed it necessaryto prepare Humankind for his comingThus, Cthulhu now answers humanity's questionsto help them better themselves.And now when you are in doubt as to what to do in life, you can ask yourself the most important question-WHAT WOULD CTHULHU DO?In the latest Dear Cthulhu collection, the Great Old One answers letters and gives more good advice to bad people, tackling topics ranging from after-death love affairs, men who think they are dogs, women who believe they are witches, adoption, relationships, kitten eating snowmen, how long children should keep teddy bears, the place of rocket launchers in polite society, and how to deal with the dread beaver pox.Here' a sample of Dear Cthulhu's wisdom-Dear Cthulhu,? ? ?My wife and I recently have been getting into trouble?with our neighbors and local authorities because of our?decisions on how we raise our children. We've decided to go?back to a better and simpler time and raise our offspring as?free range children, just like in the good old days.? ? ?Apparently, some of our busy-body neighbors object to?this and have been having the police hound us because our?children walk to school on their own through our safe?suburban neighborhood. They tell us it's unsafe, yet there?hasn't been a violent crime reported here in years and therehas never been a child abduction reported in our town ever.? ? ?Do you think we're doing the right thing raising our?children free range?? ? ?? Free Rangers In FredoniaDear Free Rangers,? ? ?Cthulhu is with you one hundred percent. I actually?admire what you are doing. In today's environment, children?are herded in and out of schools and fed all sorts of artificial?additives which really taint their taste. The idea that you are?raising free range children is amazing to Cthulhu. Thank you.? ? ?Children are so much tastier when they are free range ? I?simply cannot tell you how wonderful this is. And the lack of?violent crime helps assure they survive long enough to make?it to market. I'm not sure what age you are planning to sell?them off for food, but Cthulhu would like to put an order in now.