Anchors Aweigh — Kathleen Bacus

Ahoy, mateys! With her grandma wedded and bedded (eeow!) Tressa Jayne Turner is looking forward to the weeklong cruise that follows. Good food. Warm beaches. Romantic sunsets. A swashbuckling ranger-type, Rick Townsend, who shivers her timbers. Nothing can take the wind out of Tressa's sails this time.

Nothing except this Love Boat's the Titanic. For one thing, it's a lo-cal "biggest loser" cruise. For another, Tressa's bad-boy faux fiance and his marriage-minded aunt are stowaways, and Tressa's barely got her sea legs before a dastardly murder plot bobs to the surface. It's a foul wind that's blowin'--and not from the exercise-obsessed passengers. Add one whale of a Bermuda love triangle, and Tressa knows just how Captain Jack Sparrow feels when the rum is gone.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of V-8!

Arrgh!