Billy's Log — Dougie Brimson

For Billy Ellis, life is one series of disasters after another. His haemorrhoids have just cost him promotion, his new boss wants to buy the flat next door and on the rare occasions he does need a condom, he can't buy one without almost getting arrested. As if that wasn't bad enough, he's just read through his 1999 diary and suddenly realized that he's almost 30, still single and has looks that give new meaning to the word average.

And so, the next morning, in a lager induced haze, Billy decides that the time has come to change his life for ever. If only it were that easy!