Carlton Mellick III

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Carlton Mellick III's Latest Book

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  • Bibliography:
    70 Books
  • First Book:
    August 2002
  • Latest Book:
    April 2024
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Book List in Order: 70 titles

  • Electric Jesus Corpse

    The twisted and surreal version of the story of Jesus Christ set in a bizarre version of modern day Earth that has been ravaged by war and cannibal zombie plagues, where the landscape is slowly mutating into meat and human flesh is transforming into ...

  • The Steel Breakfast Era // The Decadent Return of the Hi-Fi Queen and Her Embryonic Reptile Infection

    THE STEEL BREAKFAST ERA by Carlton Mellick III (w/ tattoos by Pooch)

    A nightmarishly absurd story that is like Re-Animator meets Naked Lunch during the zombie apocalypse.

    The living dead conquered the Earth almost a century ago, leaving only sm...

  • The Baby Jesus Butt Plug

    Step into a dark and absurd where human beings are slaves to corporations, people are photocopied instead of born, and the baby jesus is a very popular anal probe.This strange, bleak, and utterly weird tale has everything you would expect from the ma...

  • Ocean of Lard


    A perverted, surreal, violent, hilarious, and absolutely fucked-up parody of those Choose Your Own Adventure books you used to read as a kid.

    You're on the run from the cops and need to disappear somehow. Luckily you happen across a secret...

  • Punk Land


    A completely retarded tribute to Kurt Vonnegut's BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS, for punks.

    There are many different places you can go to after you die. One such place is PUNK LAND, the punk version of Heaven. It is an anarchist's utopia of indep...

  • Sex and Death in Television Town

    A band of hermaphrodite gunslingers fight for their lives in a desert infested with crispy black demons. Along with a motley collection of survivors (including a sex-crazed female samurai modified to resemble a bipedal stegosaurus) they take refuge i...

  • The Bizarro Starter Kit

    There's a new genre rising from the underground. Its name: BIZARRO. For years, readers have been asking for a category of fiction dedicated to the weird, crazy, cult side of storytelling that has become a staple in the film industry (with directors s...

  • The Haunted Vagina

    It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead...

    Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the ...

  • Teeth and Tongue Landscape

    In a world made out of meat, a socially-obsessive monophobic man finds himself to be the last human being on the face of the planet. Desperate for social interaction, he explores the landscape of flesh and blood, teeth and tongue, trying to befriend ...



  • Sausagey Santa

    A bizarro Christmas story... filled with sex and violence

    Santa isn't the jolly old elf he's been described as in Children's stories. He's a bit more grotesque than that. His eyes are pimento-stuffed olives, his teeth are walnuts, and his body...

  • Ugly Heaven, Beautiful Hell

    Jeffrey Thomas and Carlton Mellick III collaborate on their own twisted visions of heaven and hell. UGLY HEAVEN At one point in time, Heaven was a paradise. It was a blissful utopia full of wonders far beyond human comprehension. But that was a long,...

  • Adolf in Wonderland

    In an alternate version of the future where Hitler had conquered the entire world during WW2 and developed society into his vision of utopia, an SS officer is on a mission to find and exterminate the last imperfect human on Earth. Following his trail...

  • Ultra F*ckers

    Welcome to Suburban Hell . . .

    Tony dreads the idea of going to his wife's company dinner party in Eagle Hills; the new upper-middleclass gated community that just popped up outside of Scottsdale, AZ. He hates these Southwest-style planned sub...

  • Cybernetrix


    A bizarro parody of the movie Tron

    Technology has advanced to the level where electronic alternate worlds can actually be created and entered by humans. The first such world created was originally supposed to be based on the electronic wor...

  • The Egg Man

    It is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.

    Lincoln has just been released into the world by the Georges Organ...

  • Apesh*t

    Friday the 13th meets Visitor Q.

    Apeshit is Mellick's love letter to the great and terrible B-horror movie genre. Six trendy teenagers (three cheerleaders and three football players) go to an isolated cabin in the mountains for a weekend of d...

  • The Faggiest Vampire

    Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other t...

  • The Cannibals of Candyland

    There exists a race of cannibals who are made out of candy. They live in an underground world filled with lollipop forests and gumdrop goblins. During the day, while you are away at work, they come above ground and prowl our streets for food. Their p...

  • Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland

    Novel of the Year 2009, Wonderland Book Award Winner

    Road Warrior Werewolves versus McDonaldland Mutants...post-apocalyptic fiction has never been quite like this.

    They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches....



  • Sunset with a Beard

    A girl who can bring any object to life with her kiss, a disease that causes people to melt into rainbow-swirling liquids, a world where people need to carry their souls around in little jars, a farmer with nails for eyes who grows a crop of human ha...

  • The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2

    ARE YOU READY TO PLAY SOME DUNGEONS AND FUCKING DRAGONS?

    The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after h...

  • Zombies and Sh*t


    Battle Royale meets Return of the Living Dead in this post-apocalyptic action adventure.

    Twenty people wake to find themselves in a boarded-up building in the middle of the zombie wasteland. They soon discover they have been chosen as co...

  • Christmas On Crack

  • Crab Town

    In this town, everyone's a bottom feeder ...

    Five desperate criminals are robbing one of the last remaining banks in Freedom City, a town devastated by the previous nuclear war. But these are no ordinary criminals. They are members of the Hou...

  • The Morbidly Obese Ninja

    These days, if you want to run a successful company . . . you're going to need a lot of ninjas.

    Neo Tokyo, California is a city built so high that none of its residents have ever seen the ground. It is a place where citizens cosmetically alte...

  • The Menstruating Mall

    "The Breakfast Club meets Chopping mall, as directed by David Lynch."
    - BRIAN KEENE, author of Urban Gothic
    Ten ridiculously stereotypical consumer victims (a yuppie, a housewife, a retiree, a jock, a bible thumper, a cowboy, a ...

  • Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands

    A tale of motorcycle-riding werewolf women in a strange post-apocalyptic wasteland. 
    They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches. They are a gang of man-eating, motorcycle-riding, war-hungry werewolf women, and they ar...

  • Fantastic Orgy

    Shark women, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.

    Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmit...

  • I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter: A Demonic Romantic Comedy

    She came for his soul, but left with his heart...

    Jonathan Vandervoo lives a carefree life in a house made of legos, spending his days building lego sculptures and his nights getting drunk with his only friend--an alcoholic sumo w...



  • Sea of the Patchwork Cats

    Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .

    Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other surviv...

  • Armadillo Fists

    A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars.

    Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the ...

  • War Slut

  • Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands

    Novel of the Year 2009, Wonderland Book Award WinnerRoad Warrior Werewolves versus McDonaldland Mutants...post-apocalyptic fiction has never been quite like this.They call themselves the Warriors, their enemies call them the Bitches. They are a gang ...

  • The Handsome Squirm

  • Ugly Heaven

    The afterlife is not what you think...

    Heaven is no longer a paradise. It was once a blissful utopia full of wonders far beyond human comprehension. But that was a long, long time ago. The afterlife is now in ruins. It has become an ugly, lone...

  • Fishy-Fleshed


    Was Jesus actually a time-traveler from the future? The citizens of Ocean City believe this could be the case. Their world has become so technologically advanced that everyone now possesses the ability to walk on water, cure diseases, multiply fo...

  • Razor Wire Pubic Hair

  • The Steel Breakfast Era: A Postmodern Zombie Novel


    It's Naked Lunch meets Dawn of the Dead in this postmodern post-apocalyptic zombie nightmare by cult bizarro author Carlton Mellick III.

    Hundreds of years have passed since the living dead conquered the Earth. Surviving humans have been r...

  • Tumor Fruit

    Island survival has never been this strange.

    Eight desperate castaways find themselves stranded on a mysterious deserted island. They are surrounded by poisonous blue plants and an ocean made of acid. Ravenous creatures lurk in the toxic jung...



  • Kill Ball

    In a city where everyone lives inside of plastic bubbles, there is no such thing as intimacy. A husband can no longer kiss his wife. A mother can no longer hug her children. To do this would mean instant death. Ever since the disease swept across the...

  • Cuddly Holocaust

    The war between humans and toys has come to an end.
    The toys won.

    Teddy bears, dollies, and little green soldiers-they've all had enough of you. They're sick of being treated like playthings for spoiled little brats. They have no rights...

  • Hammer Wives

    Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads.

    Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you've prob...

  • Village of the Mermaids

    MERMAID mur-meyd] "noun" -- a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.

    Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren't able to kill ...

  • Quicksand House

    From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a dystopian nightmare of epic proportions.

    "You must never leave the nursery. If you leave, you will cert...

  • Clusterf*ck

    A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . .

    From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the interna...

  • Hungry Bug

    From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a gritty urban fantasy unlike anything you've read before.

    In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has ...

  • The Tick People

    They call it Gloom Town, but that isn't its real name. It is a sad city, the saddest of cities, a place so utterly depressing that even their ales are brewed with the most sorrow-filled tears. They built it on the back of a colossal mountain-sized an...

  • Sweet Story

    The end of the world has never been sweeter.
     
    Sally is an odd little girl. It's not because she dresses as if she's from the Edwardian era or spends most of her time playing with creepy talking dolls. It's because she chases rainbows ...

  • As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face

    Oksana Maslovskiy is an award-winning artist, an internationally adored fashion model, and one of the most infamous serial killers this country has ever known. She enjoys murdering pretty young men with a nine-inch blade, cutting them open and admiri...



  • ClownFellas: Tales of the Bozo Family

    “Carlton Mellick III goes past silly, through weird, detours around dumb, blasts through bizarre, and gets to a place where the normal physics of narrative no longer apply. You will never be the same.” -- Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brot...

  • Bio Melt

    Nobody goes into the Wire District anymore. The place is an industrial wasteland of poisonous gas clouds and lakes of toxic sludge. The machines are still running, the drone-operated factories are still spewing biochemical fumes over the city, but th...

  • Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole F*cking Face Explodes

    Known for his cute, disturbing, and utterly absurd novels, cult author Carlton Mellick III returns with a tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions. Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spider...

  • The Terrible Thing That Happens

    There is a grocery store. The last grocery store in the world. It stands alone in the middle of a vast wasteland that was once our world. The open sign is still illuminated, brightening the black landscape. It can be seen from miles away, even throug...

  • Exercise Bike

    There is something wrong with Tori Manetti's new exercise bike. It is made from flesh and bone. It eats and breathes and poops. It was once a billionaire named Darren Oscarson who underwent years of cosmetic surgery to be transformed into a human exe...

  • Spider Bunny

    Carlton Mellick III, the godfather of bizarro fiction, is back with a tribute to the unintentionally terrifying children’s commercials of the ‘70s and ‘80s.

    Only Petey remembers the Fruit Fun cereal commercials of the 1980s. He rememb...

  • The Big Meat

    From the godfather of bizarro fiction, Carlton Mellick III, award-winning author of Quicksand House and Cuddly Holocaust, comes a "kaiju" tribute novel that explores the surreal aftermath of a giant monster attack.

    The creature was finally d...

  • Parasite Milk

    WEIRD WORLD. WEIRD PEOPLE. WEIRD FOOD.

    Irving Rice has just arrived on the planet Kynaria to film an episode of the popular Travel Channel television series Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern: Intergalactic Edition.  Having never left his h...

  • Stacking Doll

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and “on...

  • Neverday

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and "one of ...

  • Mouse Trap

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and "one of ...

  • Snuggle Club

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of t...

  • The Bad Box

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of t...

  • Full Metal Octopus

  • Goblins on the Other Side

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of t...

  • The Girl with the Barbed Wire Hair

    For almost 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of t...

  • You Always Try to Kill Me in Your Dreams

    For over 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of the...

  • Glass Children

    For over 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of the...

  • Why I Married a Clown Girl From the Dimension of Death

    For over 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 genre fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of the m...

  • Apeship

    For over 20 years, Carlton Mellick III has been writing some of the strangest and most compelling novels the bizarro fiction genre has to offer. Described as one of the top 40 genre fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian and one of the m...

  • Satan Burger

    • / Horror
    • Buy Buy

    "All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring." --Chuck Palahniuk

    Satan Burger is the international cult hit that has grown such an enormous following over the past 10 years that it not only launched...

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Carlton Mellick III has published 70 books.

Carlton Mellick III does not have a new book coming out soon. The latest book, Apeship, was published in April 2024.

The first book by Carlton Mellick III, Electric Jesus Corpse, was published in August 2002.

No. Carlton Mellick III does not write books in series.
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